If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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