sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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