So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
