Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
