omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
50% drunk capacity currently
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
