The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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