i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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