omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize