your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
