wat bout pragnant strippers??
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
