I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
