We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
