As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize