Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize