I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize