Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
