just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize