I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
