I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize