Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize