I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
