you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
