I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
