But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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