dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
