I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
