I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize