I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
