You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
