can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
