I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
