this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
