"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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