But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
