it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
