My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
