2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize