I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
