Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
