He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
