i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
