Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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