I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
