a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
