Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
