So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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