he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
