god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
