everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
