i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
