You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
