help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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