All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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