Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
