you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
