Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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