oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
