i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
