I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
