You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
