The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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