I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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