she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
