I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
