found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
