Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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