The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
