When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize