Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
