I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
