...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
