No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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