please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
