you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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