Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
