Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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