i just had sex bonerless
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
