i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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