well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
