kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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