she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
