I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
