I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
