Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
