So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
