I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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