i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
