He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Is it because I queefed?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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