I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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