Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
