Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
