I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
