you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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