He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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