Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
