have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
