Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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