he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
