He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
