I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
