well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize