We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
