I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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