before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
